There is a reason I’ve chosen a large vertical image that overwhelms the page to start this piece. The stylish woman is holding a mirror that blocks her face and presumably is looking at herself.
This image feels like the life of a writer. We are self-absorbed in our pursuit of writing, then we come out of our shell to engage the world, but just enough that we either:
Grab a snapshot of something we now feel inspired about. Back to our shells, we go, pen (or laptop) in hand.
Seek reader feedback to see if we are hitting the mark. Are we understood? Was our intent met?
Any way you look at it, writers lead a self-centered life.
I’ve spent much of my parenting life coaching our kids, “It’s thee and then me.” In other words, we need to look outward and consider other people versus the natural inclination to think about ourselves.
So, how do I reconcile a basic principle that my husband and I have preached to our kids with my self-centered nature as a writer?
As is my way, I’ve given myself three rules that might help me look beyond the mirror.
Rule 1: Share a moment of curiosity with your friends and solicit their responses.
I did this recently before I wrote a copy for an audio track about what we see when we look in the mirror. I was curious whether people were as hard on themselves in terms of their physical looks as I usually am about me. I also wanted to know how difficult it was for them to see beneath the skin.
This interaction was very helpful to me as a writer, but even more importantly, it intrigued my friends, and they felt counted—or maybe seen. We had a moment of genuine bonding and understanding.
Rule 2: Be moderate in your expectations of what people can actually read of yours.
As writers, we all want to be read, but there is so much competition for the eyeballs. I’ve often noted that when I go to sell my books, I am not competing for access to readers’ wallets but to their time. We seem to have so little of it.
This means that I try to be more selective when I ask someone to read something. I match what I’ve written with their interests. I also try to write (and now record) in very short amounts. My audio tracks are typically 2 minutes. My written pieces tend to be 4 minutes. My books are written in easy-to-digest short chunks.
I try to exhibit respect for their time and complete gratitude for whatever is given to me.
Rule 3: I show gratitude by giving my time.
Even though we have little time, everyone wants to matter, and the best way to demonstrate that awareness is through quality time spent with another individual.
It might be a dog walk with a friend.
It might be reading another writer’s work and offering feedback.
It might even be writing a wedding toast for the groom of a mother who doesn’t feel she can write. This happened two weeks ago.
It might be meeting with a group of women who want to know if they can learn something about being “happy,” as discovered by my favorite 15-year-old fictional protagonist named Hannah.
There are all kinds of ways we can feel less “me, me, me” and be more “thee, thee, thee,” even though writing is by its nature a self-centered experience.
When I make the conscious effort to be more thee-centered, I feel better about myself, I think my perspective is positively altered, and my creative engine has more fuel.
Now, if you are curious, I will leave you with one recent audio track from Hannah, who is only searching to be happy.
The next audio track under development will focus on leaving our comfort zone and experimenting more. Hannah is given a purple streak in her hair to remind her of the need to walk in uncomfortable waters.
If you have thoughts on this topic or care to share an example, I will be grateful. I will also happily share the track when it’s complete.
Signed,
Me, me, me who can sometimes be thee, thee, thee
I totally get this self-centredness idea. With great, one-in-a-century artists, I can imagine they are simply wrestling with their visions in the process of getting them to materialise (on the page, in stone, on the canvas, or through the instrument).
But for the rest of "us", creators, what might help against such self-centredness could be more intentionality in creating for our audience; a mental, or even explicit, dedication "for my readers, hoping to help them do x" :)