I was deep in the process of making travel plans to Baltimore. We would leave on a Friday and return Sunday evening. The trip would take place in two weeks, and we had our hotel and plane reservations made.
When I arrived at work, Penny was eager to see me. I was happy to see her, too, though I was a bit distracted. Finalizing the trip details meant I was going to meet David’s parents, which brought so many emotions.
“Ellie, I have been waiting for your arrival! We’ve gotta talk.”
“Penny, I’m all yours. Let me just take off my coat and put down my lunch.”
That was about all the time Penny could manage to restrain herself. She had stories to tell.
“Ellie, I have been busy in so many new ways. You would be proud. I joined a hiking club, and I will be going on my first hike this Sunday. They seem very nice…maybe a little hippy-ish but nice. Also, I attended a church that features a lovely choir. I tried out and got in. I don’t think I’m anywhere near as good as the singers I heard, but they apparently, need a mezzo-soprano, which I found out I am. What’s funny is that I’ve been singing all my life — in the shower, out of the shower — and I never thought to do anything with it other than enjoy my crooning. But now I am part of a group — a nerdy group, but maybe I’m nerdy, too, and just don’t know it.”
Penny had a nerdy side. Alfred has made me sensitive to picking the nerds among us. I think I am a closet nerd. Alfred is a full-blown nerd, and Penny is somewhere in the middle.
I had only one question.
“Have you been able to capture any of these new experiences and thoughts in your journal?”
I heard a loud, “You bet ya, I did.”
Everything was going in the right direction for Penny, and I would assume my role and stand guard because I knew how life, and specifically progress, could halt in an instant.
With that, I suggested we focus on our remaining project tasks so that we could finally be done with this round of review. Penny had extra energy, probably because she now felt empowered to give her life a big lift. We were able to accomplish what we needed in record time. A positive Penny was wonderful to witness.
We were done by four, and it was Friday afternoon, which meant my tank was empty. I needed to head home and relax. I reasoned that the week of work, family, and miscellaneous chores (like planning a trip to Baltimore) had done me in, and so I said goodbye to Penny.
“Have fun on the hike. I want to hear all about it, and I want photos.”
I wondered if my deep fatigue had anything to do with Baltimore. Or was it missing Tom? Or maybe memories of David, who will always hold a special meaning to me and who gave me a son.
It didn’t matter. Only my recuperation did.
I came home to Alfred making Soho Glob cookies. This sight always makes me happy as it is one more indication that Alfred can take care of his needs, more or less.
As I stumbled in, I heard,
“Hey, Mom. Hannah invited me over for dinner tonight. Her mom and Ben will be there. I said, ‘Yes, and I’m bringing Soho Globs.’”
“Alfred, that sounds great.”
As he stood in the kitchen, apron on, he looked so sweet and also very intent on what he was doing. But it didn’t stop him from thinking of me.
“Mom, I was a little concerned that I’d be leaving you to eat all by yourself, but I am sure Grandma would love your company. Also, I am going to leave you six Soho Globs so that you will have dessert for two. I think six is the right number. You won’t want to eat more — I know you, and whatever you don’t eat, you can have in the morning.”
I laughed at his thorough analysis. Also, he really knew the small details that mark my pattern of behavior. I wouldn’t have more than one cookie.
“Alfred, that sounds perfect. Thank you. I love that you now make our Soho Globs and you do them so well, too.”
That made Alfred smile, and then he quickly said,
“Thanks. I gotta get back to making them. I’ve learned you can’t mix the batter too long, and ten minutes is the exact amount of time for baking. And I don’t want too much espresso in the cookie. So a lot of details have to be watched.”
An hour later, Alfred headed out, and I had this nice, quiet, but somewhat empty house to ponder. I was thinking about Tom because this was exactly the moment we had anticipated happening at some point, and our thought was that he could be the sofa that fills up the space.
I changed to my leggings in preparation for some yoga. I also found my book for book club and would start on that right after some yoga. I would also check in with my mom but not invite her for dinner. I needed alone time.
Just as I poured myself a seltzer and cranberry juice, my cell phone rang.
Tom: Hi, it’s me.
Me: Hi you.
Tom: How are you doing?
Me: I’m ok… kinda. It’s very quiet here right now.
Tom: I just wanted to check-in. I’ve missed you and am on my way back home. With no traffic, I’m looking at probably three hours, and I know we’re doing Silkie’s tomorrow, but I still wanted some Ellie time — like right now. So you’re only kinda ok?
Me: It’s been a long day. I finalized plans for Baltimore. I worked with Penny to answer the last remaining questions from our presentation. I came home to Alfred baking Soho Globs to take to Hannah’s for dinner. I think I’m just tired and trying to process my day.
Tom: Oh man… that rough. I’m in the car; you’re at your house. Alfred’s not around, and I am three hours away. This just doesn’t seem fair.
Me (laughing): No, it doesn’t. And I miss you, which has probably contributed to my mood.
Tom: Well, now — no matter how you feel — you’ve just made me feel great. I thought I was the only one going through withdrawal.
Me: Is that a for-real diagnosis?
Tom: It’s for real that I miss you and wish I were there. That’s enough for me. I do have one question.
Me: I’m listening.
Tom: Any chance that Alfred will stay at Hannah’s tonight?
Me: Not a chance. We’ll just plan on seeing each other tomorrow. I want to hear everything. I want to hear about seeing Joan’s family. I want to hear about Oberlin. There’s a lot to discuss.
Tom: Ok. I’ll sign off then. Get a good night’s sleep. Love ya.
Me: Drive carefully… until tomorrow then. But you can text me to tell me you got home.
At 11:00, I got the following text:
“I’m back, and in all of 10 hours, I get to see you. Woohoo!”
My book club was focused on classics that survive the test of time. The next pick was Robert Pen Warren’s All the Kings Men. It was a great book to read in the early evening when I still had some energy and as I waited for Alfred to return home.
I appreciated Jack Burden, who had a long journey until he was able to carry on with the love of his life. I guess his last name was “Burden” for a reason.
Once I heard the door open, I could go to sleep after giving Alfred an air hug, making sure all was good.