Choosing Between the Butterfly and the Bee

The power of persuasion

Unsplash: credit Alfred Schrock

Have you ever wondered how hard to push for something? You don’t want to irritate your friend, or for me, it was my mom, by being too forceful. My mom will sometimes tell me in a rather stern voice,

“Alfred, don’t be too insistent. It won’t serve you well.”

Since I’m 14, I only believe some of what she says. Her world isn’t really my world, and what she thinks is right might only be right for her.

But in this case, she was right. Here’s my small story where I learned that not being too insistent — or, as I say, “being the butterfly” made a huge difference.

I’ve wanted a dog ever since my good friend Joey introduced me to Calvin, his yellow lab, and I got to see and feel how much fun it is to have a dog. They lick your face. They can make a bad mood go away. They give us a chance to have a good walk and get a little exercise. That’s another thing my mom frequently tells me.

“Alfred, we need to make sure that we aren’t only exercising our brain.”

So in the nicest of ways, I brought up to my mom that it would be good to get a dog. That was when she told me that we were fine. She was happy because I now had friends, life was trending up (the numbers person in me loves data and trends), and she didn’t want to add more “complexity” to our lives.

I nicely challenged “complexity.” I told my mom,

“I think a dog would bring more love into our home. We’d have chess, eat Soho Glob cookies, watch Friends — but we’d have a dog cuddled up next to us.”

She laughed and called me a great salesman. Then she changed the conversation and said, “Let’s play some chess.” I said that would be fine but to please think about my request for a dog.

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Float Like a Butterfly

So I was watching a YouTube of Muhammad Ali, who almost everyone knows was a world-class boxer. He won 56 of his 61 fights, and 37 were knockouts. That’s the kind of information I love to collect, and I’ve watched him some and observed his speed and power.

But this is the part that gets me: He was once asked how he would beat Sonny Liston, another great boxer. His response?

“Float like a butterfly. Sting like a bee.”

I asked my mom if she knew that line. I was pretty sure she did, and I was right. She knows a lot about a lot.

I told her,

“I love this famous line, which I’ve seen on YouTube, and I love that I finally got to use it. In our case, I have opted to float and not push you too hard. If we get a dog, I want you to be as excited as me.”

And guess what? It took some time. And it took her worrying about my friends being away for the summer, and she didn’t want me to feel “friendless” (her word). I agreed to call our golden retriever “Nellie.” I am going to find out why, but I got the sense it was an emotional reason, and I didn’t want to push her to share that yet, either.

But I learned something. It is true that sometimes we need to sting like a bee, but if you have the chance, try floating like a butterfly first. It can work, and everyone can be happy. My mom calls it a “win-win situation.”

My mom has a lot of expressions, and I am finding that some of them creep into my language too. I am going to see if I can get her to use “Float like a butterfly” because I think it’s at least as good as all the things she tells me.

Key Message: When you have the chance to try and persuade people, do that first. If it doesn’t work, you always have confrontation and pushiness as an option. But there is a reason that butterflies are beautiful. It’s a better way to go.