If Conversation Were a Sport, What Would It Look Like?
And how soon could training start?
“Conversation as a competitive sport” sounds crazy, but just think how much better our world could be.
After all, if conversation were indeed a sport, it would have rules. Here are three likely rules that any commissioner of the Conversation League would enforce.
No interruptions ever. While “ever” is a long time, elite performance requires high standards.
Conversationalists must respond to the points being made by the other participants. Doubling down on one’s own views is a rookie mistake not to be repeated.
Attitude and style are the critical differentiators for the uber “convo-athletes.” Most people participating will have strong technical skills because they value the discipline. That’s how they got to be uber convo-athletes. It’s the soft, nuanced aspects of conversation that can mark an exceptional veteran and earn them style points (see below).
More about the Conversation League
The goal of said league, which is in pilot mode, is to share perspectives. Winning the contest is a byproduct.
I like chocolate. You like vanilla. I am told that some even like strawberry ice cream. Why?
At the end of the exchange, you still might prefer vanilla, but you would understand other flavor preferences and might even find them interesting.
Pilot conducted in the new league
In a small pilot of this league, judges found that attitude and style points were the differentiators that marked the victor. The pilot team decided that in keeping with the spirit of the sport, the word “competition” would be replaced by “engagement.”
Going forward, the big question for judges will be, “How well did the contestants engage the other?”
During the pilot, judges noted that the capabilities among contestants were fairly equal. Judges realized that given that soft attributes such as style might become the winning differentiator, conflicts between contestants and judges could ensue. To reduce this risk, the judges have issued the following style guidelines to help contestants.
Guidelines for style points
No rolling of the eyes at something the other says. Even if it’s obviously stupid, contestants must show respect. For example, if someone said, “The quarterback needs to run faster so that he doesn’t get hurt by the big scary guy chasing him,” only those with immense self-control will resist rolling their eyes. This discipline earns the contestant points.
Repeat what the other has said to lend credence. The contestant showing extreme discipline by not rolling their eyes might say, “I know what you mean about the big guy chasing the quarterback, but I’m betting the quarterback is scared too, and he is running as fast as he can.”
Give a good pause before responding. This indicates real listening and thinking about what you heard. The pause may be a fakeout, but astute judges should be able to assess intent.
Use body language to indicate focus in processing an alternative view. Solid eye contact, the pensive pose, or even a thumbs up when something sounds particularly smart, are all solid “body language” “win-some-point” options.
Avoid overloading the conversation with excessive data. A piece of data or two that helps ground the conversation is good, but being a quant jock who uses data to intimidate and score decisively is bad. Contestants can get penalized if it is deemed they are trying to overwhelm the other with an overuse of statistics.
How soon can training start
Training to become an elite conversationalist can start in toddlerhood. A few simple practices are in everyone’s reach, no matter the age, including:
Making eye contact when possible
Helping the toddler to recognize that they don’t have all the answers — only some. Adults might call this “parking your ego.” For kids, one might say, “Think again.”
“Winning” is given a new identity, called “understanding,” and settling a conflict usually means finding a middle ground. “You want to go to bed at 9, and I say 7:30. We will compromise at 8.” If the toddler’s math skills aren’t fully developed, they won’t realize the compromise favors the parent.
As the Conversation League has just completed its pilot test run, there are many details still to be worked out, including:
Length of engagements: Tennis championships are conducted in 3 sets (women) and 5 sets (men). This league will set the same number of engagements for everyone and will be the best 2 out of 3. The engagement length will vary based on the age bracket.
Nature of prize: Consideration is still underway as to what best reflects the goals of this league and, hence, what would be appropriate prizes. The current focus is on finding an enclave of sensitive people who reflect similar values. The range of possibilities includes the Davos World Economic Forum and visiting the Regenerative Farm and Retreat Center, where attendees learn about how the natural world communicates. A trip to Disney might be an option for toddler contestants where shouting and screaming are the steady-state sounds.
Geography: This will begin in the U.S. but seeks global exposure as the league grows.
Please provide feedback so that you can help shape the Conversation League.
If you are creative, consider our tagline, which is a work in progress. Taglines should not be more than six words. Our current version is
Civil conversation on our best days.
Interested in helping? Sign up now.
Love this! One other rule we might add is, show interest in your interlocutor, for example by responding to their questions AND then asking them back (“hiw about you?”) i somehow need reminding myself of this simple rule all the time!
Well done.