Lucy's Snippets: My First Boyfriend

Ernie showed me what a good man is

Photo by Roman Kraft on Unsplash

Note to readers: “Lucy’s Snippets” is a novel in the making. Lucy is now 36 and feeling inspired to tell her story because of her friendship with Hannah, whose personal story is in production and due out in 2024. The prologue is at the end in case the reader needs context.

I wasn’t looking for a boyfriend.

I had Victoria as my best friend, and in my spare time, I wanted to be a cheerleader. Cheerleaders look so happy, and they’re always jumping around.

“I can jump,” I told myself. “I can smile, too.”

I was in 7th grade and starting mid-school. I saw the cheerleading squad when I went to a football game and immediately told Victoria I wanted in.

“If you want in,” Victoria said, “You should start trying now. No one in 7th grade knows what they’re doing, so it might be easier to get on.”

I believed everything Victoria said, and so I followed her advice, tried out, and won a spot on the squad. During tryouts, I showed them my back walkover and a shaky handstand. I also smiled widely and screamed loudly.

Then I heard, “She’ll be good enough. Bring her on.”

I came home super happy. I had a “team” or, more specifically, a “squad” that I was part of. No one at home seemed to care much, which was probably just as well. Three days a week, I stayed after school and practiced with the girls. I got better. We got better. And the games were great fun.

By the time basketball season started, I had learned most of the moves and steps. I hadn’t been a gymnast, but I was limber and, most importantly, fearless. I would try anything — at least once.

Well, I was fearless until a boy named Ernie came up to me.

Ernie was the guard on the basketball team. He was very quick and was almost always the one bringing the ball up the court. He was also very quiet. So, when he came up to me and asked if I’d like him to walk me home, I wasn’t sure what he was asking.

“What?” I asked.

“I’m asking you if I can walk you home.”

I was now stuttering and nervous, not sure what to say.

“I don’t usually have anyone walking me home. I know where I’m going, and it’s not like it’s dangerous.”

“I know that,” Ernie said. “I just thought we could get to know each other better. I’ve been seeing you on the sidelines all season, and I keep telling myself, ‘You should get to know that girl. I asked around to find out your name.” Pause. “Lucy.’”

And that was how it started. Ernie would walk me home, and he was always so polite. Ernie didn’t try to kiss me or hold my hand — for a really long time. He’d just talk to me. He’d ask about classes, or my family, or whether I wanted to try out for a sport rather than just be a cheerleader.

“Cheerleading is my sport,” I explained.

It didn’t take very long before he got the low-down on my family. He saw my dad entering the house, stumbling and drunk. He heard my mom yelling at my dad. She was always sober and angry. Then, there was the smell of my brother smoking weed in the backyard.

Everything about my life was in plain sight. I didn’t hide a thing, and he didn’t seem bothered. But he did seem protective of me.

That was a new feeling for me.

“Lucy, my mom is making lasagna tonight. She makes a mean lasagna. Why don’t you come over, and I’ll walk you back later.” Ernie was right, too. His mom’s lasagna was off-the-charts delicious.

And when I was sick and had to stay home from school, it was Ernie who stopped by to see if I needed anything. I’m not sure my mom even noticed, but that’s another story.

At some point, I couldn’t imagine life without Ernie. He became someone I could count on. Within six months, we were boyfriend and girlfriend. We would hold hands when he walked me home from school. His voice was the last voice — my last call — before going to sleep. Our first kiss was awkward, but it got much better.

Ernie and I lasted a long time — through most of high school. But by 11th grade, his parents started asking him to think about what he would do after graduation. He was smart enough and a very good athlete. They believed schools would want him, and they were right.

His parents liked me and were always welcoming, but they thought we were young. Right again. They wanted Ernie to have a college education and make something of himself. Looking back at this now, I can say with total certainty they were right.

But back then, it only felt painful. One day, Ernie asked,

“So what’d you think, Lucy? My parents want me to go to college. Is there any chance you could join me?”

I knew the answer, and to this day, I think I did one of the most responsible acts ever for someone I loved. Scratch that… still love. I will always love that Ernie showed me what a kind man looks like.

I told Ernie I agreed with his parents. He should go to college. I knew I couldn’t go — at least at this point in my life — and I didn’t want him waiting for me. I didn’t want to screw up the opportunity that could make a big and lasting difference for him.

So, as if there were another voice doing my talking, I said,

“Ernie, if ours is a true and lasting love, we will survive. We just don’t know.”

He shot back, “I do know, and you do too!”

I continued,

“But in the meantime, we need to give it a break. You need to get used to doing life by yourself. Me, too. I won’t be at college with you — wherever that is — and we can’t have you getting all mopey because I’m not around.”

And just like that, we were broken up. I cried for days. I regretted letting him go. I wondered whether I should go back and tell Ernie that I’d made a big mistake.

When I felt weak and ready to confess my undying love, Victoria stepped in and reminded me I was doing right by him. She said,

“You love him enough to let him go. You should be proud of yourself.”

Do I have regrets? For years, the answer was yes, but now I see it differently. Ernie taught me what it’s like to be with a good man. It meant that years later when I met Marvin, I could spot Marvin’s kindness. Ernie opened the doors for another good man.

And Ernie? He went to college, became an engineer, and eventually got married. They even have kids.

I will always look at Ernie as one of my lifeboats growing up. Victoria was another, and there’s a teacher I’ve yet to write about.

You’ll meet her too.

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