My Father-in-Law Gave Me the Gift of Appreciating Classical Music
What it has meant to me and, measure by measure, my family on this Father's Day
I know I am very lucky. I was blessed to have a very dear father and also a very dear father-in-law, and they both gave me something very different. This story is about my father-in-law, a lover of music that began when he was a child.
A year after my mother-in-law passed, a present arrived in the mail from my father-in-law. Mozart. It was a complete surprise since, as generous and lovely as he is, he is not one to think about giving presents.
Ah! But it was my birthday. Maybe he was picking up where my mother-in-law left off and trying to fill her shoes.
While thanking him, I asked him about this. Clear as could be, he said,
“No. I can’t claim that. Her shoes can’t be filled. We know that. I just thought it was time to introduce you to classical music.”
I was touched and curious, so I brought the CD into my car. That’s where my schedule allowed me the most listening time, and so, for over a year, I heard, reheard, and enjoyed three Mozart concertos: one for flue and harp, another for oboe, and still another for clarinet. Without ever playing an instrument, I felt I knew them by heart. My kids might say the same thing since they heard it only slightly less than me.
Also, my father-in-law was right. The music was special, and it was time for me to take a big long drink from the classical music firehose.
What Happened Next
I decided I shouldn’t limit myself, or even my family, to one Mozart CD, so I expanded to a collection of all of Mozart’s 27 piano concertos, which we listened to on car rides over the next year. I was like the mouse who was given a cookie and then wanted a glass of milk and then…well, you know the rest.
I shared my discoveries with my father-in-law. How the simplicity of Mozart’s piano concerto №15 didn’t overstate its case while leading with sheer beauty and memorability.
After Mozart came Beethoven and then Mendelssohn (my favorite? A Midsummer Night’s Dream). The masters kept on coming — Hayden, Bach, Shubert, Mahler, Dvorak.
I took a fork in the road to acquaint myself with a more modern composer, Aaron Copeland. He exemplified Americana and was so spirited in a way that touched me. Copeland’s Appalachian Spring marks the start of our Thanksgiving feast every year, as we sing, “‘Tis a gift to be simple,” which is embedded in Copeland’s composition.
I suspect that at least part of my zeal for classical music was related to discovering its beauty mid-life. I was in my fifties and experiencing the brilliance of the grand masters for the first time.
The image I carried was that of stepping into a pool where I dipped my toe, then my foot, and then suddenly I was in full body, and the water felt great.
Next Stop: The Boston Symphony Orchestra
Along the way, my husband and I decided to subscribe to Boston Symphony Orchestra (BSO) concerts. It wasn’t cheap, but it was worth every penny. In the first year, we settled on a small package of three concerts. Two years later, we were up to six. After each concert, we called my father-in-law from the car and gave him a report. We still do.
He loves hearing our impressions and is quite proud of the wheels he set in motion.
This year, we were blessed to hear Beethoven’s Seventh Symphony, which remains my favorite Beethoven symphony for reasons I can’t explain. As the piece concluded, I was so moved that I stood and clapped until my hands were sore. The funny thing was that I didn’t stand out. The whole concert hall went gaga.
It was a profound moment that reminded me that there is still so much beauty in our world. To remind myself of that, I often listen to the 7th as I cook.
My Meta Discovery
My appreciation for classical music has revealed other discoveries as well.
I became fully cognizant that it is never too late to learn. When we hit the midpoint in our lives, we often tend to dismiss building a new habit or embracing a new change. What we know and what we feel can be quite comfortable.
Who needs new when we’ve had so much “new” for so many years?
But then I considered how one small act can breed another, which, when strung together, can make something amazing. My father-in-law sent one CD so that I would be exposed to a pleasure he experiences daily.
Who could have predicted where that one CD would take me? My family?
Before my son’s marriage last year, I asked what music selection he might walk down to. He said with certainty,
“I know exactly. Dvorak’s New World Symphony.”
From one small seed, a whole tree has grown.
The potential grandeur of a simple act is my meta lesson.
The Last Movements
Three years ago, when my father-in-law was in the hospital, he suffered through a lot of pain, which he stoically tolerated. For much of the time, I just sat there and kept him quiet company.
But then, I saw a small window where he was more comfortable and able to engage.
A thought occurred! I’d play him random clips of classical music from my cell phone and challenge him to “Name that piece.” I went on my Spotify account and started with some easy ones, but then chose pieces that I’d never heard of, though I was familiar with the artists.
My father-in-law was completely engaged as he played the game. I knew that he’d found sufficient relief from pain and was enjoying the challenge. I would remember this trick the next time I needed it.
At a much later time, a conversation transpired that I didn’t want to have. My husband, his son, did. My father-in-law shared what he wanted to be played at his funeral when that time comes.
I am hoping there are many more days to come, but true to his nature, he has picked a beauty:
Samuel Barber’s “Adagio for Strings.”
With that settled, we can focus on living.
All is good, and I am lucky.
Small acts… aren’t so small.
Lovely tribute to someone who gave the best of gifts.
This is so lovely -- you are indeed fortunate, but you're also wise and open enough to seize a good thing when it presents itself. Your FIL sounds like a wonderful man.