The Importance of Family Dinner Hour

Now more than ever

Shutterstock: PRP Pictures

I grew up in a family that ate dinner together every night.

I remember seeing my father feel crestfallen when Humbert Humphrey lost to Richard Nixon in 1968. The margin of loss was small (.7% popular vote), and as a family, we had the opportunity to digest why my dad cared so much.

We watched Humphrey’s gracious concession speech where he used the French expression, “comme si comme sa,” and my dad had to explain what that meant to me. I was eleven.

Dinner that week was spent discussing Humphrey’s loss. I understood at that young age that politics mattered and that engagement was our civic responsibility. I also understood that Humphrey was a man of dignity and positivity, both of which earned my father’s respect.

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On some evenings, my Bubbie would join us at dinner. My Bubbie immigrated from eastern Europe in 1907, and she was a strong and spirited character. There is little as charming as bringing old-world values into contemporary America, spoken with a thick Yiddish accent. My Bubbie would say,

“I hear in America, girls can become teachers.”

This was my Bubbie’s way of encouraging me to have ambitions. Not that subtle, but I will give her some credit for how I turned out. I think she’d be proud.

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Dinnertime was also spent sharing daily happenings. My brother dissected a worm and decided he wanted to be a doctor, like Marcus Welby, whom he watched nightly. True to his word, he became one.

My oldest sister became a voracious reader who filled her days reading book after book and encouraged her younger siblings to do the same. She changed her dreams on us — the evolution of which I believe we saw at our nightly dinner table. She went from wanting to become a “hairdresser” (what they called it back then) to wanting to be a teacher who could inspire students to love reading. Just like my brother, she was true to her word.

Sports was another popular topic at dinner time. We were a family of sports fans. Would this be the year the Denver Broncos, perennial cellar dwellers, could finally contend? The debate was usually contentious. I always believed,

“This will be the year the Broncos finally achieve greatness.”

My nay-saying brothers had a million ways to squash my hopes. Eventually, the hall-of-Fame quarterback, John Elway, came to town and delivered on my dreams. Now I could do an “I told you so.”

All these memories, and more, remind me of how formidable our dinner hour was in shaping our family. It was anchoring, enlightening, and bonding. Because there were six opinionated kids around the table and some parents who had something to say too (and throw in my Bubbie), I learned to be a fast talker — a habit I’ve kept to this day.

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I contrast the dinner hour I grew up with to the dinner hour now. Our kids are grown but were they around, we wouldn’t have the same experience.“Hour” is a misnomer too.

Studies are mixed regarding how long Americans spend at home at the dinner table, but the most recent statistics show that dinner is between 15 and 30 minutes long. For fast talkers, it’s probably fine.

The bigger problem is that dinner happens far less frequently. A recent study at the Harvard School of Education estimates that only 30% of American families eat dinner together.

If you are looking for a positive angle (what I seem to usually need to do), irony of ironies, Covid provides it. Since Covid, families eat together more often. According to Forbes, 54% of families reported sitting down to dinner together nightly during the pandemic.

Whatever the exact numbers and statistics, it’s not enough dinner times with the family. There is a firm view by professionals, parents, and even children that dinner is an important moment in their day. Pediatricians and mental health experts stress the many health benefits. Parents find it a convenient time to stay in touch and offer guidance. Kids can let off some steam.

One more compelling argument for the value that nightly dinner brings to our family relates to our ability to comfortably state our views in public. We live in a time where it is hard to express opinions and not risk offending someone. The Cato Institute reports that 62% of Americans have views they are afraid to share in public.

Self-censoring has become common behavior. And yet, everyone needs a place where they can safely explore ideas and share views. To this, I say, bring back the dinner hour. We need it now more than ever.

That’s what families and food are meant for!

Since the start of Covid, I’ve had a fancy for criminal detective and police procedural dramas. After a time, they can run together, though it hasn’t curbed my interest. Only one series ends each show with its characters rehashing the struggles of the day over dinner. It is for that very reason that Blue Bloods remains one of my favorites.

Bottom line: Even when it doesn’t seem easy, compel your family to do dinner together. They might be surprised by the experience and its benefits.